Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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