The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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