i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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