I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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