There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
