whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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