i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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