i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
