You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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