he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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