Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
