Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
