is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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