The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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