so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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