So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
