I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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