I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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