My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
