On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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