no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
