Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
