youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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