My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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