honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
