i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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