Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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