i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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