I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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