It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
