no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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