I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
