I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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