Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
