wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
