um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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