ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ugly people sure do ruin things
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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