ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
