She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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