i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
