it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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