it glows. i had to have it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
