Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
