He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The air was thick with penises
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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