What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
