Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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