Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
