That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I haven't been this sober since birth.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
