It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
