Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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