A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
