alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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