girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
