your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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