Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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