If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize