Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
