it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
