some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
